Employment Figures

Day Camp Report: Week One

Position: Temporary one-on-one support worker
Children I am supposed to be looking after: 1
Children that appear to have latched onto me for no apparent reason: 6
Children I deal with on a daily basis: At least 30
Unknown substances I have come into contact with: Too many to count
Number of times I have been mistaken for somebody's mom: 4
Number of times I have been mistaken for a camper: 2
Hours I have worked out of 280: 32
Hours it has felt like: 320

Words That Have Actually Come Out Of My Mouth Since Monday:

"Don't put that jawbreaker back in your mouth. It was on the ground. No, seriously don-- EW."
"No, you cannot have my bank card."
"I don't care if he took your flip-flops, stop trying to drown him."
"Get down off the basketball net."
"Get down off the fence."
"Get down off that guy."
"No more singing Avril Lavigne, please."
"Yes, that absolutely goes double for Rihanna."
"Because I said so."

Reasons I Am Not Cool, According To The Kids:

I do not know/care to know who the Jonas Brothers are.
I do not listen to Mariah Carey (Cred for owning the album "Daydream" back in 1996: none).
I do not know how to make friendship bracelets out of approximately 67 pieces of string.
I do not swim.
I do not know the names of the four main Bratz (I had assumed up until now that they were called Skankbag, Whorecakes, Slutchops, and Herpes Mae McGillicuddy respectively; apparently this is not the case).
I get an eye-twitch at the mention of Miley Cyrus.

Things I Have Learned About Myself:

I am, at times, much more patient than I thought.
I am, at times, much less patient than I thought.
I no longer care about the being the bad guy.
I do still really like working with kids.
I can function through my day while being so tired I am legally dead.
I hate this job.
I love this job.